i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize