I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
