Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
