i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
