If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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