sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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