awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
