It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
