THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
