Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
