Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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