Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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