So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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