Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
