another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
