If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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