I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
