So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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