We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
