whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
