i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
