VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
