i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
