If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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