I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
