I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
