Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
