Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
