Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
