My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
