Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think people are normalizing furries
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
