She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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