ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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