She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
