You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
this beer tastes like vomit already
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
