I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
