I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
