More tranny stories later!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
