when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
