Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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