Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
