She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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