I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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