I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
