i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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