I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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