im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
