I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
