checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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