My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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