Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
