hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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