im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
