drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
