I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
