Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
