I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
