So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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