My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
